Wishing You Were Mine
by CrazyJaney
Summary: Sequel to Longing for You; I just don't know how much longer I can keep sitting here with you when it's killing me. And then you ask these questions that I just can't answer. Complete.
1. Chapter 1: Idiot

a/n: And here it is. The sequel and/or continuation to Longing for You. It's two chapters long and already completed so the second chapter should be up sometime this week when I find the time. Like the other part, this was written at night so please excuse the errors for now and I'll find them and fix them when I have more time and awareness. And as always, reviews are appreciated!

Disclaimer: As if I would be writing fanfiction if I owned RK.

Wishing You Were Mine  
Chapter One: Idiot

Here I am again. Standing by your side while she talks with her friends, totally ignoring you. I sigh and you give me a reproachful look. I shoot it right back. You have no place giving me those looks, not with the way your stupidity is affecting us and our friendship.

"Stop, she's talking to you!" you say to me.

"Kamiya-san?"

"Oh, Yukishiro-san, I'm sorry. I was spacing out," I apologize. "Was there something I could do for you?"

"It's just that you're standing in front of the door and I need to get through," she explains.

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry!" Not really. "I'm just not quite with it today," I tell her, smiling.

"Obviously," she muttered as she walked past me into the room. I raise an eyebrow at her rudeness before looking at you to see what you thought. You are smiling. Typical.

"I'm getting out of here," I say before starting to walk away. I hear you call my name, but I keep walking. You are an idiot. I can't deal with idiocy right now. Not from you, at any rate.

"I'm the idiot," I whisper as I feel my eyes water. "Such an idiot."

"Kaoru!!" I continue to ignore you as a I walk. I don't even understand why you're chasing me.

"Go away," I murmur so you can't hear me. I doubt it would matter even if you could hear me. It never seems to.

You finally catch up to me and grab my upper arm. "What's the matter with you?" you ask.

"What's the matter with me?" I repeat. "What's the matter with _you, _Kenshin?"

You start. "There's nothing wrong with me. I asked about you."

"There's nothing wrong with me either," I defend. "Not that you'd care..." I finish quietly.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything," I say before turning around again. "I'm going home now."

"Kaoru-dono," you begin.

"Kenshin, just don't. Please. Just go back there and do what you always do, okay? I don't need you," I lie.

I hear your sharp intake of breath and my name. I don't turn around. I don't have to. I can hear your soft foot falls as you return to do what I say. I don't know what hurts more. That you would just let this matter drop or that you were so eager to get back to her. They are both knives twisting in my gut.

I feel the tears slip past my eyes and I let out a noise of frustration. I am so good at hiding my emotions, but it can get so tiring. I'm just tired. Tired of lying to you and hiding everything. I have been so close to just telling you, but then I see you watching her and know that I don't have the courage to do it.

I don't even have the courage to tell you that she won't even care if you tell her your feelings. I can't even save you from that heartache. I know you are itching to tell her that she is all you have ever dreamed of. And then she will shoot you down. It is inevitable. But you don't see that.

And I'm too afraid to tell you. I'm afraid that you'll hate me. At least, while we friends, you're close to me. If I tell you that she'll never love you, you would take it out on me. I don't think I could bear that. It would hurt so much.

So I don't. Instead I watch you and that's almost as painful. Almost. She is all you ever talk about anymore and that is painful. But not as painful as if you left me for her. I close my eyes and count backwards from ten at the crosswalk.

No matter what happens, I will always love you. And I will always wish that you were mine.

So I go home, just like I did the day before, leaving you with her. Lately it's been easier for me to leave than watch you interact with her. Or try to interact, rather. I shake my head and walk up the steps to my door. Once again my parents are missing and I let myself in.

And just like yesterday, I head straight for my journal. It's the only one that could ever understand me because it cannot talk back. It cannot criticize me for falling in love with you nor for being such an idiot. It simply accepts my ramblings.

I hear my phone going off in my purse and debate looking at it. The ring tone playing tells me that it is a text, not a phone call. I look at it. It is from you.

_Where did you go?_

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I type back _home. _It is an effort not to attach a 'duh' to the end of it. Instead I send it off and wait for your next reply, if it is even coming.

It goes off again in a few seconds and I flip it open to read, _Oh. Why did you take off so fast?_ This time I don't fight and roll my eyes before typing, _I was ready to leave._ You are such an idiot. Did you really have to ask?

I throw my cell phone on the bed and open my journal again. I don't feel like talking to you anymore. It just depresses me. But then I hear my text tone go off again and I look at it, debating. It is a losing battle. I get up and retrieve it from where I threw it. I flip it open to see what you had said.

_Can I come over?_

I am in disbelief. You have not willingly hung out with me in over a month. I do not answer right away. I don't know what to say. Should I say yes and endure the pain of listening to you talk about her? Or do I say no and suffer alone?

I close my eyes and type a single word answer that I know I will regret; _Yes. _It will hurt, but it is better than being alone. I think. I hold onto the phone after that and wait for your answer. It comes in a matter of seconds, as always.

_On my way._

Of course you are. I don't believe you. You were with her when I left. It is possible that you are trying to tear yourself away from her side to come see me. I admit that it's possible, but not probable. You are probably trying to make me feel better by saying these things and will apologize when you get here about being late.

I will know the real reason you are late. You were watching her and attempting to make conversation with her.

But I push these thoughts aside and put my phone aside also. I see no reason that it will go off again any time soon. And I pull my journal out again. After three tries, I am finally able to finish my entry for today. It reads much the way the one yesterday did. And the day before. And every day before that for the past year.

It is weird, but that is how long I've known I love you. A year. It seems like no time, but it is so long, really. When I think about it, I have probably loved you longer than that and not known what to call it. But it has a name now. A horrible, painful name.

As I sit pondering this, I hear the front door slam. I get up and look out my window. There is no car which means one thing. You had came when you said you were. Odd.

I started down the stairs and met you half way.

"Hey," you say, fidgeting with your hands in your pockets.

"Well? Out with it," I urge, ushering you back down the stairs towards the living room.

"With what?"

"What did she do today? Aren't you here to tell me how amazing she is? Again?" I add with a small smile that reflects the exact opposite of what I'm feeling.

You scowl. "That's not all I talk about, you know."

"Oh really?" I challenge. I didn't want to get mad, but your words are so... wrong.

"Really. I talk about other things. Like you," you insist as you sit on the couch and I take the chair across from you.

I arc an eyebrow in skepticism. "I think I missed that conversation."

"I-Look," you start, running your fingers through your hair. "Tomoe said something today that got me thinking."

"You? Thinking? Oh, no! Do you have a headache?" I tease while rolling my eyes. "What were you thinking about that made you rush over here?"

"Can you be serious for two seconds?" You're starting to get angry and I can tell. Good. Now you understand the frustration I've endured the past year.

"I can try. What did she say?"

"We were talking and-"

"You were talking? I thought she couldn't even remember your name," I interrupt.

"Would you please listen? I keep trying to tell you and you keep asking stupid, unrelated questions and comments," you snap.

"Fine, fine. Finish your story."

"Like I said, we were talking and your name came up." Probably because I had stood in her way. "She... she said you were in love with me."

I freeze. I must look like a deer in the headlights. "Why would she say something like that?"

"She said that she could tell by the way you acted or something. Your eyes, I think was what she said. She said you had very sad eyes."

"Well that's-"

"Is it true?"

And to that, I have no idea what to say.

TBC

a/n: I'm mean, I know. Don't forget to drop a comment, please!


	2. Chapter 2: Hope

a/n: Here it is. The conclusion! I am undecided whether or not I'm going to make another part to this, so let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin.

Wishing You Were Mine  
Chapter Two: Hope

I don't understand, I think frantically as you stare at me. You're waiting for an answer and I've no idea how to answer. Do I lie? I know you love her. So why should I burden you with my love? I shouldn't. But if I lie... Oh how it will kill me. Devastate me.

Why would she say something like that? If she could tell that I was in love with you then she could probably see that you were in love with her. Was that her way of letting you down? I just don't know. She is so confusing.

And why, come to think of it, would you confront me? There is nothing you hate more than confrontation, so why are you sitting here, looking at me as if my answer will change anything between us. It won't. I know it won't. I can't make you love me any more than you can make her love you.

"Well?" you prompt.

"I don't know what to say," I answer honestly.

"Just tell me the truth. Are you really in love with me?"

"Kenshin-"

"Kaoru, please. I want to know. No, I _need_ to know." You're pressuring me

I'm cornered and I hate that. I don't respond well to pressure like this. I just might crack. I'm so confused and lost. I can feel the tears building up and I do my best to blink them away.

"What do you want me to say?" I hear myself ask.

"I want you to say what you're feeling."

"What would you think if I said it was true? I'm not saying it is, but what would you do?" I have to know.

"I-I don't know. I love Tomoe. But I know she doesn't love me," you say.

"What kind of answer is that?" I retort. It didn't tell me anything. Nothing I could use, anyway.

"I don't know, what kind of answer is the one you gave me?"

"It's called an evasion," I reply sarcastically.

"Dammit, Kaoru-" There it is again. You left the honorific off. The way I've dreamed about for a whole year. Maybe before. I can't remember properly anymore.

"Kenshin, I-"

"Kaoru! I'm home!" Mom. Saved by the mother. "Oh, Kenshin! Hello dear! Are you going to stay for dinner?"

"I don't think so, Kamiya-san. I think my dad has something planned. Maybe another time." Thank God.

"All right. Kaoru, when you get a chance the dishwasher needs to be emptied," she tells me.

"Ok. I'll walk you to the door," I tell you as I turn away from my mother.

"We're not done," you warn. "We are going to finish this conversation. And I will get an answer out of you."

"Fine, fine..." I deflect as I show you out.

After you leave, I breathe a sigh of relief. The pressure was gone. My mom gives me a funny look, but doesn't say anything as I empty the dishwasher like she requested. We usually talk, but I don't feel like talking anymore today.

I finish the task as quickly as possible and then retreat to my room. I shut the door behind me and head for my bed where my phone is laying. I have three new text messages and a missed call. All from you. The texts all want to know when we can meet again to talk.

I ignore them and turn my phone off. I sit on my bed and zone out, my thoughts on you. What was I going to say to you? When were you going to force me to answer? Did you really want an answer that bad? I feel like it would be better if you don't know. That way you don't feel weird around me.

It's all so confusing.

I let out a long sigh and flop back on my bed. I have no clue what I am going to do.

--------------

I did not expect you to bother me for an answer for at least a week. I was wrong. Two days after our encounter you were there, expecting answers.

I look up at the sound of the tiny bell on the door and the greeting I say more times than I can count a day dies on my lips. I give a start as you walk into the restaurant. I was not expecting you. I didn't even know you knew I was working today.

"Kaoru," you say.

"Kenshin. Hey," I reply, looking for an escape.

"Do you have a break?"

"I-"

"Kaoru! Who's that?" my manager yells from behind the counter.

"A friend," I answer.

"Take your break then. It's dead in here!" Tae has always been far too kind to me. I had already had my break. I was not supposed to get another one until after lunch.

"Great," you say. "Where can we sit?"

I gesture towards a booth and you grasp my elbow and lead us over to it. I shake out of your hold and slide into the booth as you slide in across from me.

"You've been avoiding me."

"No, I've been busy. There's a difference."

"Kaoru." Your voice is serious. "You turned your phone off after I left and never turned it back on."

"The battery died," I lie.

"Right. Enough of this, I just want an answer. Is that so hard?" you demand.

"Yes, it is. I don't know how to answer you. I don't know what you want to hear. You are so... impossible!" I let out a frustrated sound.

"Kaoru. I just want to hear your honest answer. That's all."

That's all? You make it sound so simple, when it's not. I want to scream. You are so hard headed. You don't understand anything. I'm not sure telling you will help, but it is worth a shot. So I unleash my fury on you, whether you are ready for it or not.

"You don't understand! You don't get it at all, do you?! You're lost in your own little world and when it finally expands to include me all you can do is say, 'Really? Is that right?' Well I'm done! I'm sick of it, Kenshin!" I explode. "What the hell do you want me to say? You don't love me so even if the answer is yes, it won't make a difference!"

That said, I stand up and walk away, leaving you stunned. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I didn't think it would do any good anyway. After I let myself calm down a bit, I congratulate myself for saying what I did.

I didn't think I had it in myself. I don't regret saying it, though. It needed to be said and you needed to hear it. From me. I walk back out to the front and find a family of four waiting for a hostess. I give them a bright smile and lead them to a table far away from you.

I don't know when you left. All I know is that the next time I checked the booth you were gone.

I hope that you sleep on what I said to you. I hope that you realize that it's all true. And you can probably see from my answer that what Tomoe said is true. That I do love you. And that's why I am so angry.

I wonder how that will make you feel. I wonder if it will change the way you treat me. I don't want anything to change though. I admit that I wouldn't mind if you stop talking about her all the time, though.

I wonder how you will react when you see me again. Whatever you do, I hope you are more understanding than you were in here. I hope that you can see that what I feel for you is real.

I don't think I could handle it if you treat it as a joke. If you decide that it's funny. If you laugh at me for feeling the way I do, I'm not quite sure what I'll do. I don't think it will be pleasant.

I make it through my shift somehow and when I walk out of the building I see you sitting on your car in the parking lot. I huff my breath out and walk in the opposite direction towards my car. I pretend that I don't see you.

I know you are following me because I can hear you. I don't turn around until you force me to. You grab my arm and turn me towards you. Not forcefully, though, never forcefully. Always gentle.

"Kaoru," you say. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For pressuring you into answering. I-I understand."

"No, you don't," I murmur.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You said something. What was it?"

"I said you don't understand. You don't. You can't possibly," I tell you, the tears brimming in my eyes. That's all I have been able to do lately; cry over you.

"But I do."

"You know what it's like to love someone who is so far above you. Someone unattainable. Someone attached. Someone who doesn't even know you!" I correct harshly. Had you learned nothing from the last tongue lashing I gave you?

"Kaoru-"

"You have no idea what it's like to love someone who _is _attainable! Someone who is with you every day! Someone who is unattached. Someone who _should _know you!" I rage. "And you never will!"

I pull out of your grip and unlock my doors with a beep and a flash of headlights. I am about to get in and you grab my arm again. "You're right," you concede. "I don't know what it's like. I've been so very stupid."

"Yes, you have," I agree. "Let me go."

"Let me finish and then I will." I nod and let you continue. "I don't' want to be stupid anymore, though. I'm going to be smart. That day, when Tomoe said what she did to me, she also told me that I had no chance with her. She and Akira are in an arranged marriage on top of their relationship. And she doesn't love me.

"I'm okay with that, though. I... I was infatuated with her. I didn't know the real her. I thought I was in love, but I obviously wasn't. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten over it this fast," you finish.

"Obviously," I say. You can't love someone you don't know. As many times as I had thought this, I never told you for fear of hurting you. I am glad you learned that lesson on your own, however.

"Kaoru, I don't know why you love me, but I want a chance to find out."

I swallow as I process your words. "You want to try?"

"I want to try," you confirm with a nod of your head. "I want to try being with you."

I smile sadly and lick my lips. "Kenshin, I think you're forcing it."

"What?""Kenshin, you've never thought of me like this before. You always saw me as someone to talk to when something goes wrong. I'm your best friend. I don't think either of us are ready for anything more," I tell you. It's breaking my heart, but it's so true. "At least not yet."

As much as I want you... I don't want you like this. I don't want you when you're trying to forget her. I don't want you when you're trying to appease me from a sense of self-guilt. And I know that's what it is. You feel guilty that I'm in love with you and you want to make up for it. You think that it's somehow your fault that I fell head over heels and you want to take responsibility. That's not how love should be.

I want you to love me for me. Not because I said the words 'I love you' first.

"Kaoru-" you start.

"Let's just give it a little time, ne? You need time to adjust to the thought. If we jump into this, you'll hate me before the week's out," I reason.

"All right," you finally say.

"We'll be okay," I promise, more to myself than to you.

You pull me in and give me a tight hug. "We'll make it work."

"Yes," I say. "Yes, we will."

Somehow.

Owari

a/n: Okay, for everyone who really wanted a happy ending, this is the closest I could realistically give you. And don't forget to drop a commen, por favor!


	3. Epilogue: Flowers

a/n: Well, here you go. Now it really is complete. I hope you all enjoyed this little spontaneous piece! I'm working on a few other fics that will be a little more epic than this, so hopefully you'll read those too! Remember, reviews are always appreciated!

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. Sadly.

Wishing You Were Mine  
Epilogue: Flowers

_Six Months Later_

I sit on the park bench and wait for you. You said that you were going to meet me here a half hour ago, but I have not seen you yet. I am contemplating getting up and leaving when I see you. I sigh in relief and wonder if you know how lucky you are. If you hadn't shown up I would have killed you.

I giggle at the thought and you smile at me as you approach. Your smile widens as you come to stand in front of me. You scratch your head and lick your lips.

"What?" I ask.

"Ano..." you mutter. "Here!" And then you pull a small bouquet of flowers from behind your back.

I give you a funny look and tilt my head. Is this really you standing in front of me? Is this really you handing me flowers? Is this really you blushing at me?

"Mou," I whisper. "What are those for?"

"For-for being you," you answer, flushing even more if it's possible. I can't help it; I laugh. You scowl at me and your flush fades away.

"You know, I try to do something nice, something romantic even, and you're sitting there laughing at me!" you protest.

"I'm sorry," I tell you truthfully. "It's just... You're not exactly the romantic type, Kenshin. Besides, you looked so silly. Like a little boy, wondering if I was going to reject you or not."

"I resent that!"

"Mou!" I repeat. "Relax! The flowers are beautiful, Kenshin, and I would be glad to accept them."

"Good," I hear you say under your breath as you sit down next to me.

"So, really, what are they for?" I ask you again.

"I told you. Just for being you."

"Really," I start. "That's sweet. Thank you."

You sigh and look away. I fight the urge to sigh also. Instead I look at the trees; they are all full and green and there's wildlife all over the place. I take it all in and wonder where we are going. We agreed to take it slow and that's what we are doing. But lately you've been acting stupid and forgetting things all the time.

"Okay, you're right," you say, breaking the silence.

"Hmmm?" I turn and look at you, slightly confused. "What was I right about?"

"The flowers. They're not for being you," you clarify.

"Oh."

"They-I-It's-" You're having a hard time making the right words come out, apparently.

"Just spit it out, Kenshin."

Instead of answering verbally, you pull me in and cover my lips with yours. I sigh. This is everything I have ever wanted. I relax against you and let my lips start to move against yours. When I feel your tongue sliding against the seam of my lips, I open my mouth.

After a few seconds our dance ends and you slowly break apart from me. Your face is flushed again and I can tell that mine is also; I can feel the heat. I feel a smile building on my lips and I don't fight it. It blooms on my lips until I'm grinning at you like an idiot. But you're grinning like an idiot, too, so I don't feel so stupid.

"Thanks for the flowers, Kenshin," I finally say.

I understand why he couldn't answer in the traditional way.

It was quite a mouthful, after all.

Owari

a/n: Please drop a comment!


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